Santa from Colombo...(Very funny)

Santa singh went to Colombo for official matter and called to his house over phone. Servant had taken the receiver.

Santa singh : Who is speaking?

Servant : Servant Sir.

Santa singh : Where is the Madam?

Servant: She is sleeping with her husband in bedroom.

Santa singh : What? I am her husband came to Colombo today.

Servant: What can I do now sir?


Santa singh : Open the cupboard, pick the Gun, shoot both of them, come back and tell me, till then I am waiting in the line. 

After some time ... there come 2 shooting sounds ... after that ...


Servant: Yes, I did Sir. But what can I do next Sir?

Santa singh : Open the back door, throw both of them into the swimming pool

Servant: There is no swimming pool in our house Sir

Santa singh : What...? No swimming pool?

Servant: Yes Sir

Santa singh : Sorry, WRONG NUMBER!!!!!! !!

Jokes The Great : The Laughing Zone (Click Here) 

IT Gabbar

Gabbar sends Kaalia and his other two colleagues to Ramgad for collecting the 'loot-maar' software which he had ordered. They reach Ramgad and start shouting:

'Abe O Thakur! Baahar nikal!! Kahan hai woh loot-maar software, jo hamne order kiya tha?'

Dhaniya, an old man comes out with a floppy in his hand.

Kaalia-'kya laye ho Dhaniya?'

Dhaniya-' Financial Accounting software hai sarkar.'

Kaalia-'Suwar ke bacche! Yeh bekar software hamare liye banaya? Aur woh loot-maar softeare kya apni beti kebaratiyon ke liye zip file mein chuppa ke rakha hai? Haraam-z@$#!!'

Thakur comes out of his house with anger, saying:

' Chillao mat Kaalia!! Jaakar gabbar se kah do ki Thakur Software waalon ne paagal kutton ke liye software banana bund kar diya hai'

Kaalia-'Bahut garmi dikha rahe ho thakur? Koi naye programmers hire kiye hain kya??'

Thakur-'Nazar utha ke dekh, Kaalia, tere sar par powerbuilder chal raha hai'.

Kaalia lifts his head. He sees Viru(Dharmendra) working on a PC on one water tank and Jay(Amitabh) on another water tank, punching the keys of a laptop.
Kaalia starts laughing and says:
'Haa Haa... Ye log programming karenge thakur? Haa Haa... in ko to DOS commands bhi nahi aate. Suno Ranmgad ke vasiyon, Thakur ne hijdon'ki software company banayi hai'

Veeru shouts:'Chup-chap chala ja kaalia. Hum log consultants hain, kuch bhi kar sakte hain'
Jay hits some commands on his keyboard. Then says:'Jao kaalia, gabbar se kehna ki uska server down ho gaya'

Kaalia-'Jaata hoon thakur. Agar gabbar ko pata chala ki thakur software walon ne uska loot-maar software nahi banaya, to wo poore network mein virus daal dega'
At the Gabbar's den...

Gabbar:'Kittne bugs thay?'

Kaalia:'Do Sarkar'

Gabbar:'Woh do! Aur tum teen. Phir bhi fix nahin kar sake? Kya soch kay aaye ho? Gabbar bahut khus hoga? Naya assignment dega, kyoon?
Iski saja milegi.. Barobbar milegi'
{Snatches an X terminal form Sambaa}
'Kitne sessions hain is machine main??' 

Sambaa:'Chey, sarkar.'
Gabbar:' Session chey aur programmer teen. Bahoot naa-insafi hai
[logout....logout...logout]

Santa's Medical Exam

Santa Singh applied to a medical college - 

Just see what answers are given by our dear Santa Singh :-

Antibody - against everyone

Artery - the study of fine paintings
Bacteria - back door to a cafeteria

Bowel - letters like aeiou

Cardiology - advanced study of Poker playing

Cat Scan - searching for lost kitty

Coma - punctuation mark

Cortisone - area around local court

Cyst - short for sister

Dislocation - in this place

Duodenum - couple in blue jeans

Enema - not a friend

False Labor - pretending to work

Genes - blue denim

Hymen - greeting to several males

Impotent - well-known

Obesity - City of Obe

Pacemaker - winner of Nobel Peace Prize

Protein - in favor of teens

Pus - small cat

Secretion - hiding anything

Subcutaneous - not cute enough

Tablet - small table

Urine - opposite of you're out

Varicose - very close

Banta Singh's Interview..

Banta Singh goes for an interview and there the interviewer tells him:

Interviewer:  Banta Singh, you have to say the opposite of all that I say. OK?

Banta Singh:  OK.

Interviewer:  Made in India

Banta Singh:  Destroyed in Pakistan

Interviewer:  Good... Keep it up

Banta Singh:  Bad... Put it down

Interviewer:  Maxi Mum

Banta Singh:  Mini Dad

Interviewer:  Enough! Take your seat

Banta Singh: Insufficient! Don't take my seat

Interviewer: Idiot! Take your seat

Banta Singh:  Clever! Don't take my seat

Interviewer:  I say you get out!

Banta Singh:  You didn't say I come in

Interviewer:  I reject you!

Banta Singh:  You appoint me

Interviewer: !!!

Laugh Bytes 7

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The year is 2020 and India’s much awaited MAN-ON-THE-MOON mission is successful. The first Indian astronaut lands on the moon. The moment he steps his foot on moon he is shocked to see 2 Indians already present on
the moon.

The astronaut asks them: “Who are u?”

Reply:

“Cameraman Raju ke saath Deepak Chourasiya…...AAJ TAK"

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Laugh Bytes 6

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Sardar ki wife inspecter se!
Mera husband ek hafte pehle aaloo lene gaye the ... abhi tak wapis nahi
aaye . :-( Inspector bhi santa tha bola:- to behan kuch aur paka lo ...
:-)




Man: Sir, my wife is missing ....
Postmaster: Bhai ye post office hai, police station me complain dijiyee.
Man: Kya karon, khushi k mare kuch samajh nahin aa raha





How women call their husbands in the first 6 years:
Yr 1. Janu
Yr 2. O jee.
Yr 3. Ajee Sunte ho?
Yr 4. O Chintu ke pappa
Yr 5. Kahan mar gaye?
Yr 6. Tum aate ho ya main aaon?

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For more funny jokes Go To INDEX

Laugh Bytes 5

Wife hits her husband with a frying pan
Husband: What was that for...?
Wife: I found a paper in your pocket with the name Jenny on it.
Husband: I took part in a race last week and Jenny was the name of my
horse.
Wife: Sorry..!
Next day wife hit him with the frying pan again
Husband: What now..?
Wife: Your horse is on the Phone.




Message of the year:
Women live a better, longer & peaceful life...!!
Why? Very simple.
A woman does not have a wife..!!!




Husband wife mein ladai ho gayi
Husband ghar se chala gaya
Husb:Rat ko phone pay,"Khanay mein kya hai"
Wife:Zeher.
Husb:Mai dair se aoonga, tum kha kar so jana:

Munna BE (Computers)

appun jaise tappori s/w Engg. ko kya maalum...
saala programming kis chidiya kaa naam hai...

copy paste kaa kaam miltaa hai bass appun khush...!!!

fir yeh coding kaa lafdaa locha kaiko?

are kaiko ?

arre kaiko re?

fir ek din boleto appun ko project mila.....

ya haaaaaaaaaa!!!!

saala appun ka khopdi chakkar kha gaya ....

computer ke saath dil saala takkar kha gayaa...!!!

din bhar appun computer ke aagge...

koi lafdaa nahi kuch nahi...

Boss bola kya be munna saala tu bhi programmer bann gaya...!!!

ye munnabhai kya coding bana rela hai baap...!!!

(fir ...? fir kya huwa..?)

fir ek din appun ne coding poora kar diya...

form poora karke appun ne testing ko bhej diya...!!!

lagataa tha ab appun kaa kaam khatam ho gaya ....!!!

par module me issues dekhake sala appun darr gaya ....!!!

appun ke saamne tester ne mere coding me ki galtiyaa nikali... aapun ke
coding ki poori waat laga di.... appun udharich khadaa thaa... par


appun kuch nahi bola... kaiko bolega? kaiko...?

saala ek, ek kaam kiya thaa... usme bhi itne bugs...

par appun ek aansu nahi roya...

kaiko royega...?

kaiko..?

saala appunich yedaa thaa naa...!!!

agale din se phir wohi life chalu...

wohi mails forward karnaa, wohi messages, wohi template, wohi
assignments... saala itnaa mails forward kiya...itnaa mails forward kiya...
log samze mail server down hoyega... bhoolneka hai bhoolneka hai par kya
karega...!!!

training milke bhi jab kaam nahi miltaa hai...

haa thoda bore huwa par chaltaa hai...

(phir ...? phir kya huwa..?)

fir ...?

fir kya...?

fir agale din appun ko aur ek project mila...!!!

shaappak...

saala appun ka khopdi phir chakkar kha gaya .....

computer ke saath dil saala phir takkar kha gayaa...!!!

ho ho ho hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Laugh Bytes 4

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We are getting wealthy as we get older

  Silver    in the Hair
  Gold     in the Teeth.
  Stones in the Kidneys     
  Sugar   in the Blood.
  Lead    in the Feet.
  Iron      in the arteries.

  And  an inexhaustible supply of Natural Gas.

  We never thought we can accumulate such wealth !!




He died last week


 A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses' wife instead. "I'm afraid he died last week." she explains.

 The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss. "I told you" the wife replies, "he died last week."

 The next day he calls again and once more asks to speak to his boss. By this time the wife is getting upset and
 shouts, "I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?"

 "Coz," he replied laughing, "I just love hearing it..."

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For more funny jokes Go To INDEX

The Laughing Zone Highlights

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....... A LOT OF JOKES... A LOT OF LAUGH... A LOT OF FUN..

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Two sardarjis were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying like anything.

So the other asked,"Why are you crying?".....

Click here.. Sardar jokes..

Teacher: 'Why are you late to class?'

Ramesh and Suresh: 'We helped an old lady .....

Click here..Student-Teacher Jokes

Amitabh - Han han mein chor hun, mein bazar mein kaladhandha karta hun, police ke record mein mera naam hai.

Click here .. Filmi jokes

Dear Bill Gates,

This letter is from Banta Singh from Punjab. We have got a computer in our home and we face some Problem, which I want to bring to your notice. After connecting to Internet we planned to open an email account.But when ever we fill the Form of Hotmail, in password field only * comes. But in rest of the fields..

Click here.. Letter jokes

Laloo Prasad sent his Bio Data - to apply for a post in Microsoft Corporation, USA. A few days later he got this reply:

"Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,

We are sorry to intimate you that you do not meet our....

Click here.. Political jokes

ZZZZZZZZ………

Best excuses if you get caught sleeping in your computer desk by the Boss:

* I was working smarter, not harder.

* I wasn’t sleeping! I was meditating on...

Click here.. Computer jokes

Laugh in Bulk

Humorous Essay on Cow

Do you want to listen these sentences during your surgery?

Funny Examination Paper ( Can you try it?? )
Munnabhai BE (Computers) New

OTHER CATEGORIES

Lalu Jokes

Husband Wife Jokes

Pappu Jokes

Interview Jokes

Doctor Jokes

SMS Jokes

Funny Definitions

Funny Quotes

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......... A LOT OF JOKES... A LOT OF LAUGH... A LOT OF FUN..

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Sardar Writing Medical Examination

A Sardar applied to a medical school - needless to say he never made it because these are the answers he gave:

Antibody - against everyone

Artery - the study of fine paintings

Bacteria - back door to a cafeteria

Bowel - letters like aeiou

Cardiology - advanced study of Poker playing

Cat Scan - searching for lost kitty

Coma - punctuation mark

Cortisone - area around local court

Cyst - short for sister

Dislocation - in this place

Duodenum - couple in blue jeans

Enema - not a friend

False Labor - pretending to work

Genes - blue denim

Hymen - greeting to several males

Impotent - well-known

Obesity - City of Obe

Pacemaker - winner of Nobel Peace Prize

Protein - in favor of teens

Pus - small cat

Secretion - hiding anything

Subcutaneous - not cute enough

Tablet - small table

Urine - opposite of you're out

Varicose - very close

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The Laughing Zone Home Page

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Laugh Bytes 3

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

Knock Knock! Who's there? Atch! Atch who? I'm sorry I didn't know you had a cold!

"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up?" said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet. "Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer.

"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."

This cat, is cat, a cat, good cat, way cat, to cat, keep cat, an cat, idiot cat, busy cat, for cat, 20 cat, seconds cat! ... Now read without the word cat.

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb." "Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses." The defendant smiled. And, with his lawyer's assistance, he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench and walked out.

ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

GOSSIP: A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.

Do you want to listen these "sentences" during a Surgery?

• Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?

• Hand me that... uh... whatever it's called !

• Oh no! I just lost my watch.

• "Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness"

• Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!

• Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.

• Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500 ml of this stuff before?

• There go the lights again...

• Ya' know... there's big money in kidneys... and this guy's got two of 'em.

• Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!

• Could you stop that thing from beating? It's throwing my concentration off.

• What's this doing here?

• I hate it when they're missing stuff in here.

• That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!

• Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.

• You sure it wasn't this leg?

• OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature.

• Are his relatives waiting outside?

• Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?

• Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.

• What do you mean, "You want a divorce"!

• FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!

• This scissor looks rusted.

• Rats! Page 47 of the manual is missing!

• Isn't this the one with the really lousy insurance?

• Now from where did this spider come in from.

Funny Quotes 2

They only care what else is on TV. - Jerry Seinfeld

Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it. - Gordon R. Dickson

Men don't care what's on TV.

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. - W. C. Fields

Isn't it strange? The same people who laugh at gypsy fortune tellers take economists seriously. - Cincinnati Enquirer

Drive carefully, 90% of people are accidents.

The difference between genius and insanity is that genius has its limits. - Albert Einstein

Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined. -Samuel Goldwyn

If you think you're really influential - try ordering another man's dog.

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha Guitry

Nature gave us one tongue and two ears so we could hear twice as much as we speak. - Epictetus

Life is like a role of toilet paper; hopefully long and useful, but it always ends at the wrong moment. - Rudyh

SHIN - A device for finding furniture in the dark.

Funny Quotes

Borrow money from pessimists--they don't expect it back

When on the ladder of success, don't let boys look up your dress!

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.

I don't pray because I don't want to bore God. - Orson Welles

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

The trouble with being poor is that it takes up all of your time. - Willem de Kooning

Never judge a book by its movie. - JW Eagan

It's no accident that stressed spelled backwards is desserts.

Procrastination is the greatest laborsaving invention of all time

Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.

You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter

Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent

God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested

Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards.

The shortest distance between two points is under construction... - Noelie Altito

I ain't sleeping. I'm just taking a good look at the insides of my eyelids. - Johathan Raban

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. - Horace Walpole

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. - unknown

A diplomat is one who thinks twice before saying nothing.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but an onion a day keeps everyone away. - Cassandra Chatfield

Hard work never hurt anyone, but why take the chance.