Saturday, November 15, 2008
Political Jokes Page 2
Trapped in Plane
Once Laloo Yadav, Sonia Gandhi, a saint and a schoolboy were traveling by a private plane. Suddenly the engine caught fire and the pilot came out shouting, "This plane is going to crash! And we have only four parachutes and there are five of us in the plane.
Since I am a very important Indian Airlines pilot I am taking one parachute and getting out of here." Saying this he rushed to the luggage area grabbed one parachute and jumped off the plane. Sonia Gandhi said, "Since I am the future Prime Minister of India I am very important and have to live!" She also grabbed a parachute and jumped.
Laloo Yadav said, "I am the king-maker of this country, the most honest politician of India and above all the most intelligent person living in this country, and the most intelligent person must live!" Saying so Laloo went to the luggage area, grabbed one and jumped off the plane.
The old saint said to the school boy, "There is only one parachute left, and there are two of us. I am an old man and don't need to live any more. You take the last parachute and jump."
The school boy said, "Don't worry! There are still two parachutes left with us! The most intelligent person, Laloo Yadav, jumped off the plane with my school bag!"
Political Jokes Page 1
Laloo got job in Microsoft
Laloo Prasad sent his Bio Data - to apply for a post in Microsoft
Corporation, USA. A few days later he got this reply:
"Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,
We are sorry to intimate you that you do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained.
Thanks
Laloo Prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply.
He arranged a Party and when all the guests had come, he said :
"Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki hum Amereeca mein naukri paa gaya hoon."
Everyone was delighted.
Laloo Prasad continued......
"Ab main aap sab ko apnaa appointment letter padkar sunaongaa -
par letter angreeze main hai - isliyen saath-saath hindi main translate bhee karoonga.
Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad ..... Pyare Laloo Prasad bhaiyya
We are sorry ...... humse galti ho gayee
to intimate you that .........aapko yeh batana hai ki
You do not meet ---- aap to miltay hee naheen ho
our requirement ---- humko to zaroorat hai
Please do not send any further correspondence ---- ab Letter vetter bhej ne ka kaouno zaroorat nahee
No phone call ---- phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai
shall be entertained ---- bahut khaatir kee jayegi
Thanks ---- aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyawaad
Corruption
In a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. "Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?"
The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn't hear the question.
"Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated loudly.
The witness still did not respond.
Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question."
"Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you."
Laloo Prasad sent his Bio Data - to apply for a post in Microsoft
Corporation, USA. A few days later he got this reply:
"Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,
We are sorry to intimate you that you do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained.
Thanks
Laloo Prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply.
He arranged a Party and when all the guests had come, he said :
"Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki hum Amereeca mein naukri paa gaya hoon."
Everyone was delighted.
Laloo Prasad continued......
"Ab main aap sab ko apnaa appointment letter padkar sunaongaa -
par letter angreeze main hai - isliyen saath-saath hindi main translate bhee karoonga.
Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad ..... Pyare Laloo Prasad bhaiyya
We are sorry ...... humse galti ho gayee
to intimate you that .........aapko yeh batana hai ki
You do not meet ---- aap to miltay hee naheen ho
our requirement ---- humko to zaroorat hai
Please do not send any further correspondence ---- ab Letter vetter bhej ne ka kaouno zaroorat nahee
No phone call ---- phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai
shall be entertained ---- bahut khaatir kee jayegi
Thanks ---- aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyawaad
Corruption
In a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. "Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?"
The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn't hear the question.
"Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated loudly.
The witness still did not respond.
Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question."
"Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you."
Friday, November 14, 2008
Other Jokes
Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Darling : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Darling : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be greater than this one?
Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or troubles.
Girl: Well that is because we aren't married yet.
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"
"Honey," the woman replied Sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"
Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"..
My Father grows beans," said one student. "My father cooks beans," said another.
Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans."
Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman.
Interviewer: "What were you before you married her?"
Millionaire: "A Billionaire"
Its funny when people discuss over "love marriage" and "arranged marriage"
It is like asking a person if he would like to "hang himself" or "shoot himself".
Darling : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Darling : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be greater than this one?
Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or troubles.
Girl: Well that is because we aren't married yet.
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"
"Honey," the woman replied Sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"
Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"..
My Father grows beans," said one student. "My father cooks beans," said another.
Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans."
Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman.
Interviewer: "What were you before you married her?"
Millionaire: "A Billionaire"
Its funny when people discuss over "love marriage" and "arranged marriage"
It is like asking a person if he would like to "hang himself" or "shoot himself".
Computer Jokes Page 2
Sleeping at Computer Desk
ZZZZZZZZ………
Best excuses if you get caught sleeping in your computer desk by the Boss:
* I was working smarter, not harder.
* I wasn’t sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement.
* This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!
* I’m actually doing a “Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan”(SLEEP) I learned at the last mandatory seminar you (boss) made me attend.
* This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamed about work!
* I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory towards people who practice Yoga?
* The coffee machine is broke….
* Ah, the this is the unique and unpredictable habits of the workaholic!
* I wasn’t sleeping. I was trying to pick up my contact lenses without using my hands.
* My work partnerwent psycho and took out a gun so I was playing dead to avoid getting shot.
* And finally….I thought you (boss) were gone for the day……..!!!!!!
ZZZZZZZZ………
Best excuses if you get caught sleeping in your computer desk by the Boss:
* I was working smarter, not harder.
* I wasn’t sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement.
* This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!
* I’m actually doing a “Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan”(SLEEP) I learned at the last mandatory seminar you (boss) made me attend.
* This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamed about work!
* I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory towards people who practice Yoga?
* The coffee machine is broke….
* Ah, the this is the unique and unpredictable habits of the workaholic!
* I wasn’t sleeping. I was trying to pick up my contact lenses without using my hands.
* My work partnerwent psycho and took out a gun so I was playing dead to avoid getting shot.
* And finally….I thought you (boss) were gone for the day……..!!!!!!
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Computer Jokes Page 1
Types of Woman
HARD-DISK woman:
She remembers everything, FOREVER.
RAM woman:
She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.
INTERNET woman:
Difficult to access.
SERVER woman:
Always busy when you need her.
CD-ROM woman:
She is always faster and faster.
EMAIL woman:
Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.
VIRUS woman:
Also called “wife”; when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if you don’t you will lose everything!!
History Paper
Guy 1: “How’s your history paper coming?”
Guy 2: “Well, my history professor suggested that I use internet for research, and it’s been very helpful.
Guy 1: “Really?”
Guy 2: “Yes! I’ve already located 17 people who sell them!”
Flight Control Software
At a software conference in india, the participants were given an awkward question to answer. “If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had made the flight control software how many of you would leave from the plane immediately?”
Among the forest of raised hands, only one man sat motionless. When asked what he would do, he replied that he would be quite content to stay onboard.
With his team’s software, he said, the plane was unlikely to even keep rolling pass the runway, let alone take off.
Sardar jokes Page 7
Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is
what you call modern art ?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!
Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?
Sardar: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.
Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab . Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more..
A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not in the morning.
Sardarji replied "Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM".
Boss : Where were you born ?
sardar : Punjab.
Boss : which part ?
sardar : Kya which part ? Whole body born in punjab.
2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
sardar 2 : Dont worry, I have a one more.
engagement day will you give me a ring.
Sardar : Ya sure, from landline or mobile.
what you call modern art ?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!
Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?
Sardar: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.
Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab . Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more..
A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not in the morning.
Sardarji replied "Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM".
Boss : Where were you born ?
sardar : Punjab.
Boss : which part ?
sardar : Kya which part ? Whole body born in punjab.
2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
sardar 2 : Dont worry, I have a one more.
Teacher to Sardar: “Where were U born?”
Sardar: In Tiruvanantapuram.
Teacher: Spell it?
Sardar: (after thinking) I think I was born in GOA.
One day a bus gets an accident which were filled up with some sardarjis.
Then one of the Saradarji starts to cry very loudly saying I have lost my hand, I have lost my hand…
After the accident one of the survived sardarji says to him, “why are you crying control yourself, don’t cry, see that man has lost his head but he hasn’t utter even a single word, how silent he is…”
Sardar was busy removing a wheel from his auto. A man asks sardar why
are you removing a wheel from your auto.
sardar : Cant you read the board. Parking is only for 2 wheeler.
Sardar got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket. He
gave
Rs.10/- and took the ticket and said April fool. I have pass.
Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the
computer.
Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar : Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.
engagement day will you give me a ring.
Sardar : Ya sure, from landline or mobile.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Sardar Jokes Page 6
Banta sent sms to Santa: Bhejnewala mahan, padhnewala gadha.
Santa got angry and replied: Bhejnewala gadha, padhnewala mahan.
Lady doctor: tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade ho kar aurto ko kyon ghurte ho?
Santa: ji aap hi ne bahar likha hai "aurton ko dekhne ka samay subah 10 se 12".
Santa was inserting dog's tail into pipe.
Banta: Oye, kutte ki dum kabhi seedhi nahi hoti.
Santa: Idiot, main to pipe bend kar raha hoon
Santa (on phone): Maa, khushkhabri hai!
Maa: Bolo beta.
Santa: Hum, 2 se 3 ho gaye.
Maa: Badhai ho, ladka hua ya ladki.
Santa: Na ladka, na ladki. Maine doosri shaadi karli.
Masterji: kal school kyu nahi aaya.
Santa: Gir gaya tha or lag gayi.
Masterji: kahan gire, kahan lagi?
Santa: Takiye pe gira tha aur AANKH lag gayi..
Santa: Would you punish me for some thing i didn't do?
Teacher: no, of course not.
Santa: good, because i didn't do my homework
A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after Every 10 sec a
woman gives birth to a kid.
A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.
Sardar-why r all these people running?
Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why are others running?
Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense.
Sardar: The future tense is "u will go to jail".
Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".
After much thought he wrote: Yes!
Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant :it's already raining.
Sardar: So what? Take an umbrella and go.
What is defference between man and Superman?
Man wears underwear under the trouser and superman wears it over the trouser.
Santa got angry and replied: Bhejnewala gadha, padhnewala mahan.
Lady doctor: tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade ho kar aurto ko kyon ghurte ho?
Santa: ji aap hi ne bahar likha hai "aurton ko dekhne ka samay subah 10 se 12".
Santa was inserting dog's tail into pipe.
Banta: Oye, kutte ki dum kabhi seedhi nahi hoti.
Santa: Idiot, main to pipe bend kar raha hoon
Santa (on phone): Maa, khushkhabri hai!
Maa: Bolo beta.
Santa: Hum, 2 se 3 ho gaye.
Maa: Badhai ho, ladka hua ya ladki.
Santa: Na ladka, na ladki. Maine doosri shaadi karli.
Masterji: kal school kyu nahi aaya.
Santa: Gir gaya tha or lag gayi.
Masterji: kahan gire, kahan lagi?
Santa: Takiye pe gira tha aur AANKH lag gayi..
Santa: Would you punish me for some thing i didn't do?
Teacher: no, of course not.
Santa: good, because i didn't do my homework
A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after Every 10 sec a
woman gives birth to a kid.
A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.
Sardar-why r all these people running?
Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why are others running?
Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense.
Sardar: The future tense is "u will go to jail".
Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".
After much thought he wrote: Yes!
Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant :it's already raining.
Sardar: So what? Take an umbrella and go.
What is defference between man and Superman?
Man wears underwear under the trouser and superman wears it over the trouser.
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