Sardar Jokes Page 12

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Wash Basin

A Sardarji goes to a hotel and eats heartily.

After eating he goes to wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead.

The manager comes running and asks him, "Prahji, aap kya kar rahe ho?"

To this the man replies, "Oye, tumne hi to idhar board lagaya hai "Wash Basin".

Urine Test

Two sardarjis were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying like anything.
So the other asked,"Why are you crying?" The first one replied, "I came here for blood test"
Second one asked," So? Are you afraid?"
First one replied,"No, not that. During the blood test they cut my finger"
Hearing this the second one started crying. The first one was astonished and asked other, "Why are you crying?"
The other replied, "I have come for my urine test."



Road to Station

Sardarji praising his son who is a Civil engineer, who just laid a road near his house. "Wow! This is terrific! Look at the job he has done! The distance from my house to the railway station is the same as the railway station to my house!!!!!!!!"


Neither do I

Santa Singh applied for an engineering position at Electricity Board office in Amritsar.
Chinnaswami from Coimbatore applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the Department manager Mr. Banta Singh.
Upon completion of the test, the results showed that both men only missed one of the questions.
The manager went to Santa and said, "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the job to Chinnaswami".
Santa: And why would you be doing that? We both got 9 questions correct. This being Punjab I should get the job!" Manager: "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the one question that you got wrong. "Santa: "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?"
Manager: "Simple, for the question that both of you got wrong, Chinnaswami put down 'I don't know' as the answer. And you wrote 'Neither do I'!"

Santa meets Banta

Santa: "so have you moved to a new house"

Banta: "No."

Santa: "Why not? You advertised to sell your old house, didn't you?"

Banta: "Yes, but when I read the ad, I realized it was just the home I was looking for!".

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Husband & Wife Jokes Page 2

What is the difference between wife & saali?

Saali is Beauty, Wife is duy,

Saali is passion, Wife is tension,

Saali is patakha, Wife is sayapa,

Saali is cool, Wife is fool,

Saali is tuty-fruity, Wife is qismat futi,

Saali is fresh cake, Wife is earth quake



Marriage Certificate

Wife : Honey ...... What are You Looking for ?
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing...?? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour ...??
Husband : I was just looking for the expiry date.


Celebration

Wife: That man who is taking drink , i refused him to marry 10 year before. Till now he is taking alcohol.

Husband: Wow! so long celebration!


Pagal (Mad)

Wife: If I die what will u do?

Husband: Main paagal ho jaun ga!

Wife: Will u marry again after I die?

Husband: Pagal kuch bhi kar sakta hai


10 years with me

Wife:What is 10 years with me?
Husband:A second.

Wife:What is $1000 for me?
Husband:A coin.

Wife: Ok give me a coin.
Husband:Wait a second

Message of the year:-

Women live a better, longer & peaceful life..!!
Why? Very simple…
A woman does not have a wife..!!!

Husband & Wife Jokes Page 1

Married man and his affair

A married man and his secretary were having a deep affair. One afternoon they couldn't contain their passion, so they rushed over to her place where they spent the afternoon making passionate love. When they were finished, they fell asleep, not waking until 8 o'clock that night.
They got dressed quickly. Then the man asked his secretary to take his shoes outside and rub them on the lawn. Bewildered, she did as he asked, thinking him pretty weird.

The man finally got home and his wife met him at the door. Upset, she asked where he'd been. The man replied, "I can not tell a lie. My secretary and I are having an affair. Today we left work early, went to her place, spent the afternoon making love, and then fell asleep. That's why I'm late."

The wife looked at him, took notice of his shoes, and yelled, "I can see those are grass stains on your shoes. YOU LIAR! You've been playing golf again, haven't you?"



Job of ears and mouth

WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in! one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.



A lady and prescription

A lady walked into a drug store and told the pharmacist she
needed some cyanide.

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady then explained she needed it to poison her husband.

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, "Lord have mercy, I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband!

That's against the law! I'll lose my license... They'll throw both of us in jail and all kinds of bad things will happen! Absolutely not! You can NOT have any cyanide!"

Then the lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband having dinner in a restaurant with pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied,

"Well, now... You didn't tell me you had a prescription".

Sardar Jokes Page 11

Banta ask santa: what will you advise your children about marriage?

Santa declares: I’ll never marry in my life and I’ll give same advice to my children also.

A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell, Santa doesn’t turns up for 4 days.

Lady calls again, Santa replies, I’m coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out.

Teacher to Santa: is line ki english banao, usne apna kaam kiya or karta hi gya.

Santa: He done his work and done dana dan done dana dan…

Banta bhahta huwa aata hay aur Santa se kehta hai bhai jaldi jao tumharey ghar main talaab ka pani ghus gaya hay. Santa: Oye kiyo jhoot bolta hay, ghar ki chabi to meray paas hay.

Santa Police se: Kal rat chor mere ghar se TV ke Ilaaava sab samaan le gaye

Police:TV kyon nahi legaya??

Santa:TV to mai dekh raha tha is liye..

Santa: My mother-in-law was bitten by a mad dog!

Banta: Oh! That’s terrible. Santa:

Yes, it was sad to watch the dog died in convulsions

Banta : Wha'ts Ford?

Santa: Gaadi

Banta: What's Oxford.

Santa: Very simple Bail Gaadi

Santa suffering from cold was shivering. His son called a docter.

Docter: what happened?

Son: Bimari da ta pata nahi par baapu morning se VIBRATION mode me lage hue hai .

Santa was riding on a horse He jumped the red light & a cop whistles.
Santa lifts the tail of horse & says Le Karle Number Note.

Teacher: How Old is ur father?

Santa: As old as I m

Teacher :How is it possible ?

Santa: He become father only after I was born .

Banta(at death bed) : you get marry with Santa after my death,

Wife: but why He is your no 1 enemy .

Banta: this is only way to take revenge with santa singh.

Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write for mother tongue.?

Santa: Very long!!!!!

Application by santa: Dear sir, Satsriakaal. my wife is ill as there is no other husband in the family to look after her. So please kindly grant me leave for 1 day. Thank you.

Jailer : Phansi se pehle, bata teri aakhri ichha kya hai?

Santa: Mere pair upar aur sir neeche kar k phansi de do!

Santa: Woh ladki kitni sundar hai!

Banta: Mujhe uskanaam pata hai.

Santa: Kya naam hai uska?

Banta: Wohbank mein kaam karti hai, uske counter ke upar uskanaam likha tha \"CHAALU KHAATA\"

Laloo Jokes Page 1

Laloo at Bar

At a bar in New York, the man to Laloo's left tells the bartender, "JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE."
And the man's companion says, "JACK DANIELS, SINGLE." The bartender approaches Laloo and asks, "AND YOU, SIR?"

Laloo replies: "LALOO YADAV, MARRIED."


Laloo as Model

After having resigned as the CM of Bihar, Laloo decides to go modelling.Once he enters the herd of buffaloes and resting his elbows on the back of the cattle he poses for the photo.

Next day the photo appears front page of a newspaper. GUESS THE CAPTION !! Laloo, third from left!

Laloo's Clock

Rabri Devi died and went to heaven (Don't Laugh). As she stood in front of yamraj , she saw a huge wall of clocks behind.

She asked, "What are all those clocks?"

Yamraj answered, "Those are lie Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a LieClock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move.

" "Oh," said Rabri, "Who's clock is that?"

That's Gautam Buddha's. The hands have never moved indicating that he never told a lie."And whose clock is that?"

That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved twice, telling us that Abraham only told 2 lies in his entire life."

Rabri asked, "Where's my Laloo's clock?"

"Laloo's clock is in my office", replied yamraj, "I'm using it as a ceiling fan.


Wait or Weight

Once Laloo was coming out of Airport. As there was huge rush the security guard told Laloo "WAIT PLEASE" for which Laloo replied "65Kgs" and moved on...


Laloo's Family Planning Policy

Laloos family planning policy.."DONT HAVE MORE THAN TWO CHILDREN IN ONE YEAR"


Laloo wants to know time difference

Once Laloo wanted to know the time difference between Bihar and Las Vegas..So he called up the Tourist department and asked them "Ji..could you tell me the time difference between Patna and Las vegas...".

The man at the other end replies "One second sir..." and Laloo immediately replies "thank you" and puts the phone down.


Laloo's Proposal

Laloo Prasad Yadav was hosting a Japanese Delegation for Business Development to Bihar.

The Japanese Emissary was quite impressed with Bihar and he stated, "Bihar is an excellent state. Give us three years and we will turn it into an economic superpower like Japan."

Laloo was very surprised. "You Japanese are very inefficient," he stated. "Give me three days and I will turn Japan into the next Bihar!"


Laloo solved jigsaw puzzle

After completing a jigsaw puzzle he_d been working on for quite sometime, Laloo proudly shows off the finished puzzle to a friend. "It took me ONLY 5 MONTHS TO DO IT", Laloo brags. "FIVE MONTHS? THAT_S TOO LONG", the friend exclaims. "YOU ARE A FOOL". Laloo replies. "SEE THIS NOTE, IT READS - FOR 4-7YRS".

Sardar Jokes Page 10

Santa Banta in London

Santa went to Banta s house and said, “Oye Banteya, lets go to London”

Banta replied “Yes Santa, par mainu English nahin aandi” (I can t speak English)

Santa assures Banta that his English skills are better than average, and that he d take care of him in London. Santa and Banta reach London, and pretty soon are sauntering down the middle of a fairly busy road!

A Gori Mem(blonde) pulls up behind them in her Austin Princess and starts of in English …… Oh Man! ,,, You are jay-walking BLAH BLAH don t you have any regard For the traffic rules in this country … etc.. etc..

Santa turns around, looks at the Gori Mem, and Starts rattling off the following at a fairly brisk Pace.

“To the Principal, Government High secondary school, Village Noorpur, Post Office Noorpur, Tehsil Jalandhar, District Jalandhar, Punjab, India. Sir … I am having severe stomach aches since yesterday, and my Phamily doctor has recomended bed rest! …. Please grant me two days sick leave. Yours Obediently …. Santa.”

The Gori is quite baffled at the sudden outburst from Santa, and quitely gets into her car and leaves.

Banta is amazed. He runs up to Santa and says “Oye Santa, tu taan phate chak dite”! Us gori de takkar di angrazi bol ke” (You put that gori back in her place, your English sounds better than hers)

Santa Shrugs off Banta and says: “oye yeh taa kuch bhi nahin, je jaada tain tain kardi na …. mainu Thirsty Crow te Greedy Daag Dono aande se dono suna dene se” (that was only a sample, if she would have stuck around I would have recited thirsty crow and Greedy dog for her as well).


Landing Problem

Once Santa and Banta try to land an airplane in the States. They start descending and as they touch the ground Santa screams, the runway is ending…”.

Banta swiftly gets the plane back up in the air… They make a big turn and start descending again. The moment they touch the ground, Santa screams again “Get the plane up, the runaway is ending…”.

Banta swiftly gets the plane back up in the air… They make a big turn and start descending again… This goes on again and again…

During their fourth descent Santa says : “Look at those stupid Americans, they build this huge & expensive airport but with such a short runaway..”,

“I know” answers Banta, “But look how wide they made it….”


Alive or Dead

Banta and Santa were working on a roof, when Banta slipped and fell to the ground. Santa leaned over and called out:

“Are you dead or alive, Banta?”

“Alive,” moaned Banta.

“You are a liar. I donot know whether to believe you or not,” said Santa

“Then I must be dead,” said Banta, “because you wouldn't dare call me a liar if I were alive.”



Santa in Archery Contest

Once upon a time there was an archery contest.

The first archer, wearing a long cape covering his face, lines up in position…

He takes a deep breath and fires an arrow, which finds the center of the target.

Then he takes of his cape and screams: I AM…… ROBIN HOOD!!! The crowd cheers!

The second archer with a cape lines up in position.

He fires his arrow, which hits the center and cuts Robin Hood’s arrow into two!!!

He takes off his cape and screams: I AM…… WILLIAM TELL!!!!!! The crowd cheers!!

Finally our Santa in cape lines up in position… He fires his arrow but it goes all wrong!

It flies past the crowd and kills the king!!! Then the man takes off his cape and screams: I AM…… SORRY!

Political Jokes Page 3

Bribe

A Politician was arrested for accepting a bribe from a contractor. A friend who went to visit him in the lock-up asked, “How are you going to get out of this mess?”

The Politician replied calmly, “I got into trouble for accepting a bribe; I`ll get out of it by bribing the person concerned.”


Safe Guns

Robert Shovestall, 37, shot himself while explaining gun safety to his wife in Glendale, CA, when he placed a .45-caliber pistol he thought was unloaded under his chin and pulled the trigger.

Shovestall`s wife told police that the incident occurred after her complaints about her husband`s 70 guns prompted him to demonstrate to her they were safe.


Dead man in jail

A man was sentenced last week to two years in prison for faking his death three times to beat drunk driving charges.

Peter C. Gentry was first arrested in 1991, but an official looking death certificate sent to authorities said he had died in a Los Angeles auto crash, and the case was dismissed.

In 1994, he was arrested again and sent in another death certificate.

A year later, Gentry was again arrested and supposedly died this time of “denzor hemorrhagic fever” in Africa.

There is no such disease.

Baby Food for Whom?

More and more baby food is being consumed by adults. Ten percent of the production of major German baby food manufacturer is sold to households without children. People of all ages and from all walks of life love milk pudding and stewed fruit prepared for babies.

Since a serving may have only 100 calories, many weight-conscious adults choose baby food for a snack. Manufacturers cater to the trend by recommending their products for “Young and old” and by providing recipes that include their products.

The German Nutrition Society, however, is not happy about the trend. According to its spokeswoman Anette Braun, grown-ups do not need such specially prepared foods unless they are sick. they should chew their food. “After all, that is why we have teeth.”

I demand a recounting

There was a political leader who was on the verge of being defeated in the elections. When he received a phone call saying that his wife had delivered triplets, he exclaimed: “Oh! I demand a recounting.”

Doctor Jokes Page 2

Some bad news and some terrible news

A man got a call from his doctor who said “I have some bad news and some terrible news, which would you rather hear first?”

The man says “The bad news.”

The doctor says “The lab messed up your tests and when they re-did them, they found out you only have 48 hours to live!”

The man exclaimed “What could be more terrible than that!!??”

The doctor replied “we tried all day yesterday to get hold of you but your phone was busy!”


Hearing Problem

A man told his doctor, “I don`t think my wife`s hearing is as good as it used to be. What should I do?”

The doctor replied, “Try this test first. When your wife is at the sink doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a question. If she doesn`t respond, keep moving closer, asking the same question until she hears you.”

He went home and saw his wife preparing dinner. Standing fifteen feet behind her, he said, “What`s for dinner, honey?”

Hearing no reply, he moved up to ten feet behind her and repeated the question.
Still no reply, so he moved to five feet. Still no answer.

Finally he stood directly behind her and said, “Honey, what`s for dinner tonight?”

“FOR THE FOURTH TIME, I SAID PURI-SABJI, You`d better get your hearing checked!”

Following Your Order

Doctor: “I see you`re over a month late for your appointment. Don`t you know that nervous disorders require prompt and regular attention? What`s your excuse?”

Patient:” I was just following your orders, doc.”

Doctor: “Following my orders?, what are you talking about? I gave you no such order.”
Patient: You told me to avoid people who irritate me.


Memory Improvement

Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other,

“Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?”

“Outstanding,” Fred replied. “They taught us all the latest psychological techniques: visualization, association, etc. It was really great.”

“That is great! And what was the name of the clinic? I would like to join it.”

Fred went blank. He thought and thought, but could not remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, “What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns?”

“You mean a rose?”

“Yes, that`s it!” He turned to his wife, “Rose, what was the name of that memory clinic?”

Doctor Jokes Page 1

Prescription

A doctor got a call from a very excited woman, “My son just swallowed the aspirins, what shall I do?”

He replied, “Give him a headache, what else?”

Appendix

Once a doctor got a telephone call in the middle of night. The caller sounded very excited.
“Doctor, please come at once. My wife is in great pain and I am sure it is appendicitis”, he said.
The doctor assured him that there was no need to panic. “I will come in the morning.”
The man protested, “But doctor, my wife is really serious.”
The doctor replied, “I took out your wife s appendix two years ago. She can not have another.”
The caller protested, “That is alright doctor, but now I have got another wife!”


Emergency Call

“Hurry!” the doctor commanded his teenage daughter, “Put my stethoscope and medicine box in my car. That was an emergency call from someone who says he will die if I do not turn up immediately.”
“Papa, that call was not for you but for me,” replied the girl saucily.


Constipation

An old lady went to her doctor to see what could be done about her constipation.
“It’s terrible,” she said, “I haven’t moved my bowels in a week.”
“I see. Have you done anything about it?” asked the doctor.
“Naturally,” she replied, “I sit in the bathroom for a half- hour in the morning and again at night.”
“No,” the doctor said, “I mean do you take anything?”
“Naturally,” she answered, “I take a book.”


Don't be Nervous

This older man was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to receive the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son.
“Yes Dad, what is it?”
“Don’t be nervous, son, do your best and just remember, if it doesn’t go well, if something happens to me… your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife….”



First Visit

A young woman wasn’t feeling well, and asked one of her co-workers to recommend a physician.
“I know a great one in the city, but he is very expensive. One thousand rupees for the first visit, and one hundred rupees for each one after that.”
The woman went to the doctor’s office and, trying to save a little money, cheerily announced, “I’m back!”
Not fooled for a second, the doctor quickly examined her and said, “Very good, just continue the treatment I prescribed on your last visit.”


Night Call

A Doctor gets taken short up in the middle of the night and finds his toilet is completely blocked.

He says to his wife, “I’m going to have to call a plumber.”

The wife replies, “You can’t call a plumber out at three in the morning!”

He says, “Of course I can! I have to go out on night-time calls if a patient needs me.”

Anyway, he rings a plumber, who complains bitterly about having to come out in the middle of the night.

The Doctor says the same thing, “I have to come out on late-night calls to see patients, why shouldn’t you?”

At about 3.30AM the plumber arrives, very bleary-eyed, and the Doctor shows him to the blocked toilet.

The plumber drops two tablets down the pan and says to the Doctor, “If there’s no change, call me in the morning!”

Sardar Jokes page 9

Logic Behind Logic

Zailsingh decided to write the MBA exam. He could understand every thing except for the LOGIC part. One day when he was reading, Rajiv came home.

Rajiv: Zailsinghji How is your MBA preparation?

Zail Singh: Every thing is fine, but I could not understand Logic.

Rajiv: Logic is very easy.

Zailsingh: Can you give me an example, so that I can understand.

Rajiv: OK. Do you have fish pot in your house?

Zail: YES.

Rajiv: Logically, there will be water in it.

Zail: YES.

Rajiv: Logically, there will be fish in it.

Zail: YES.

Rajiv: Logically, someone will be feeding the fish.

Zail: YES.

Rajiv: I take a guess that your wife will be feeding the fish.

Zail: YES.

Rajiv: so, logically, your are married.

Zail: YES.

Rajiv: So, that means U are a heterosexual.

Zailsingh was very glad and he understood logic. Next day he sees Butasingh and he was also preparing for MBA.
Zail: How is your MBA preparation?

Buta: Everything is fine except for the logic.

Zail: Oh, logic is easy.

Buta: Please, give me an example.

Zail: Do you have a fish pot in your house?

Buta: NO, I don't.

Zail: Saala HOMO!!!




Sardar Jokes Page 8

Sardar Jokes Page 8

Bhagwan and Banta!

Banta finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he’s in serious financial trouble. He’s so desperate that he decides to ask Bhagwan for help.
He goes into the temple and begins to pray……….. “Oh Bhagwan, please help me, I’ve lost my business and if I don’t get some money, I’m going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lotto”. Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it.
Banta goes back to the temple…………….. “Bhagwan, please let me win the lotto, I’ve lost my business, my house and I’m going to lose my car as well”. Lotto night comes and Banta still has no luck!! Back to the temple……….. “My Bhagwan, why have you forsaken me? I’ve lost my business, my house, my car and my wife and children are starving.. I don’t often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Why won’t you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order???”.
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the sky parts open and Banta is confronted by the voice of Lord “BANTA, BUY THE DAMN TICKET FIRST”.


Cricketers!

Two fast friends, Santa Singh and Banta Singh, were great cricket fanatics. They decided that whoever dies first will try to come back in the dreams of the other, and tell the other about the Cricket life in heaven.
Santa Singh dies first. One day as Banta was fast sleep, he heard Santa calling him.
He was very happy and was eager to know about cricket there.
“So, Santa! How is cricket in heaven?”
Santa replied, “Hey Banta, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that tomorrow we are going to have a day & night match here in heaven.”
“And the bad news is that you are the opening bowler for tomorrow’s match!”


Santa Goes to heaven

Santa Singh was in the hospital, near death, so the family sent for his friend Banta. As Banta singh stood beside the bed, santa Singh's frail condition grew worse, and he motioned frantically for something to write on. Banta singh lovingly handed him a pen and piece of paper, and Santa used his last ounce of strength to scribble a note. Then he died. Banta singh thought it best not to look at the note just then, so he slipped it into his jacket pocket. Several days later, at the funeral, Banta singh was visting Santa's family. He realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he'd worn the day Santa died. "You know," he said, "Santa handed me a note just before he died. I haven't read it, but knowing Santa, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all." He unfolded the note and read aloud, "You're standing on my oxygen tube!"


Two Horses

Santa and Banta had just bought two horses.Now the problem was that they could not differenciate between the two horses.So,one day Santa cuts the left ear of his horse, so that it is easy to know that it is his horse.While doing so,an enemy of Santa looks at him.This enemy also cuts the left ear of banta.By doing so santa and banta come in confusion to differenciate. So, next thing santa keeps on cutting his horse's right ear , then his tail , then makes him blind and so on .And the enemy also kept on doing so with banta's horse.At last Santa's horse had no legs left and banta's horse was with one leg only .The enemy also went and cut banta's horse one leg. So, in the morning it was the same sitaution , How to diffrenciate thier horses.So, after thinking and putting lots of effort to thier mind - Santa said - O.K You keep the black one and i will keep the white .

Santa Banta and Tunnel

.......... Everybody knows the famous under creek/sea tunnel joining England and France. Before it's construction, the tenders were invited from various construction companies by giving newspaper ads throughout the world. Banta Singh came across one such ad and he decided to fill the tender. On the day of opening the tenders everybody was surprised to find Banta Singh's tender at it's very lowest. Other tenders were quoting billions of pounds, Banta Sing had offered to do the job for just 10000 pounds. Now , as per the rule Banta was to get the contract. Before giving works order to Banta Singh, the officer asked BantaSingh as to how he could afford to work at such a low budget. Banta Singh said,"look, back home, there is my brother, Santa Singh.I will call him here. We will take two shovels. I will start diging from English bank and Santa Singh will start digging from French bank. The moment we meet, you get a tunnel." The dumbstruck officer asked with courage," and if you don't meet?" Banta Singh replied," then you will get two tunnels in same cost."

SMS Jokes 1 - LOVE

Your SMILE

Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.


WHO YOU ARE

I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.


TRULY LOVE

It’s hard to find someone whom you truly love, much less to find someone who loves you as much. When the chance comes, don't ever let go.


CHER|SH...

Cherish the person you love, never tell lies or attempt to hurt them because you won't know how important they are until they are out of your life...

I'M STILL ALIVE...

TaLk 2 me wHen i'm boReD, kiSS me wHen i'm saD, hug me wHen i cRy, caRe 4 me wHen i diE, loVe me When i'm sTill Alive...


IN LOVE WITH YOU

It is not being in love that makes me happy... but is being in love with YOU that makes me happy.


POEM OR RHYME?

Who cares whether this is a poem or rhyme, I will love you until the end of time...

2NITE WITH ME

A sMiLe tO pUt You On HiGh... A KisS To Set YoUr SouL ALriGhT... WouLd iT bE aLriGhT iF I spEnT ToNiTe BeiNg LovED bY YoU???


LOVE YOU

Never WasTe an OppOrtuniTy 2 sAy 'I LoVe U' to Someone u ReaLLy Like, Coz it is noT EvEryDaY u'll mEEt tHe PerSoN WhO hAs tHe MaGic 2 lEt u fAll iN love...


TRUE LOVE

True love is like ghosts, which everybody talks about and few have seen.

FRIENDS 4 LIFE

Without humor, life sux. Without courage, life is hard. Without love, life is hopeless. Without friends like you, life is impossible!

FIRST SIGHT

FiRsT NiTe, FiRsT SiGhT, I SaW, I KnEw, LoVe's SwEEtEr ThAn MoUnTaiN DeW, A pRoMiSe I mAdE and' WiLL kEEp, 2 LoVe YOU aLwAys~

VALUE OF LOVE

LovE is Not HoW LonG U've BeeN 2gEthEr; nOt HoW MucH U've GIvEn oR RecEivE; Not hOw MaNy TimEs U've HeLpEd EaCh OthEr --- Its HoW U VALUE EaCh OtHEr...



STILL LOVING U

i håtê Smî|îÑg jûSt tO prEtêñD î'M ñOt hUrt. î hÅtE to gîGglê tO Show î'll ßê okåY. î hAtE tO laUgh aFtEr î Cry. í Stìll lovE YOU ßût í'Vé tó SaY gooDbYê...



NEVER REGRET WHAT YOU DO

Don't regret what you've did, but regret what you never did, go and say 'I LOVE U' to your loved one!



LOVE IS SO CONFUSING

Love makes life so confusing but without love would you want to live?



☻ REALITY

Love Is When You Don't Want To Go To Sleep, Because Reality Is Better Than A Dream.



☻WHY IS HE NOT MINE...

wOrLd iS cRueL, LoVe iS bLinD. LoSt iN sAdnEsS, BluR In miND. HeArT iS bRoKeN, fLaMe hAd DiEd. TiMe HaS pAsSeD bUt wHy iS hE... sTiLL nOt mInE...



☻ NOT TOO YOUNG

No one is too young for love, because love doesn't come from your mind, which knows your age, but from your heart, which knows no age.



☻ I FOUND U

Love is like a cloud... love is like a dream... love is 1 word and everything in between... love is a fairytale come true... Coz I found love when I found U.



☻ IT HURTS

It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what hurts more is to love someone, and never find the courage to let them know how you feel.



☻ FORGET YOU

It takes a minute to have a crush, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.



☻ IT NEVER SEEMS TO LAST

I'm scared to fall in love, scared to fall fast, because every time I fall in love... it never seems to last.



☻ FALL IN LOVE

People say you only fall in love once, but when I hear your voice I fall in love all over again



☻ LOVE IS TO THINK

Love is to think about someone else more times in a day than you think about yourself.



☻IN LOVE WITH YOU

There are times when I fall in love with someone new, but I always seem to find myself back in love with you.



☻: SOMEONE ELSE

The hardest thing you'll ever do is watch the one u love, love someone else.



☻ OUT OF MY CONTROL

Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was choice, but falling in love with you was completely out of my control.



☻ HEART TO CIRCLE

Always draw a circle around the ones you love, never draw a heart because hearts can be broken, but circles are never ending.



☻: WHO

I'd rather be hated for who I am then be loved for who I'm not

☻ TRY TO FORGET

Trying to forget someone you loved is like trying to remember someone you never knew.



☻ ADVICE ON LIVING

Dance like no one's watching; sing like no one's listening; love like you can't get hurt, and live like there's no tomorrow.



☻ QUICKSAND

LoVe iS LiKe QuiCkSanD - ThE DeEpEr yOu FaLL iN iT ThE HaRdeR iT iS tO GeT OuT.



☻ IN MY ARMS

You showed me how it is to be loved. Now I know what really love is. 1 day we will be together forever. I can't wait to hold you in my arms again.



☻ WHAT IS TRUE

There's a warmth in my heart. It haunts me when U R gone. Mend me 2 ur side and never let go. The more I live The more I know, wat's simple is true, I love you.



☻ FLAME OF YOURS

I feel something in my heart, it's like a little flame, every time I see you, this flame lights up, this flame is special for you, because I LOVE YOU!



☻ If love were to be taxed,
I would be the highest tax payer.


☻you can't buy Love... but you can pay heavily.


☻Common sense is common, but... the use of common sense is uncommon !!!!


☻Promises are like babies, easy to give hard to deliver.


☻You need Money to call someone Honey.


☻My girlfriend told me, I should be more Affectionate, so i got two Girlfriends.


☻We can see more Grafitti's in girls toilet , WHY ?
Because their both hands are free.


☻Definitions :

Home : A place where you can scratch where it itches.

Doctor : A person who cures the ills by pills,
and kills by his bills.

LOVE : Loss Of Valuable Energy

WIFE : Worries Invited For Ever

Computer Jokes Page 4

Upgrading Bill Gate's Hell

"Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call. I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows '95. I'm going to do something I've never done before. I'm going to let you decide where you want to go."

Bill replied, "Well, what's the difference between the two?"
God said, "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly, to see if it will help your decision."
"Fine, but where should I go first?" Bill asked.
"I'll leave that up to you." God replied.
"Okay then," said Bill, "let's try Hell first."
So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of long-legged women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining; the temperature perfect. He was very pleased.
"This is great," he told God. "If this is hell, I really want to see Heaven."
"Fine," said God, and off they went.
Heaven was a place high in the clouds, beautiful and sunny, with angels drifting about, playing harps and singing. It was nice, but not as enticing as Hell.
Bill thought for a quick minute, and rendered his decision.
"Hmmm. I think I'd prefer Hell," he told God.
"Fine," replied God, "as you desire."
So Bill Gates went to Hell.
Two weeks later, God decided to check on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When he got there, he found Bill, shackled to a wall screaming amongst hot flames in dark caves, surrounded with heavy thick-legged women and being burned and tortured by demons, with no one to help him out of his dilemma no matter how loud he screamed.
"How's everything going?" He asked Bill.
Bill responded with his voice filled with anguish and tormented disappointment.
"This is awful. This is nothing like the Hell I visited two weeks ago. I can't believe this is happening. What happened to that other place, with the beaches and the long-legged women playing in the water????"
"Oh," God said, "that was Hell 3.1. This is Hell 95."

Celebrity Jokes Page 1

Wisdom Of Supermodels

ON COURAGE
"They were doing a full back shot of me in a swimsuit and I thought, Oh my God, I have to be so brave. See, every woman hates herself from behind."
-Cindy Crawford

ON POVERTY
"Everyone should have enough money to get plastic surgery."
-Beverly Johnson

ON FATE
"I wish my butt did not go sideways, but I guess I have to face that."
-Christie Brinkley

ON ARRIVING
"Because modeling is lucrative, I'm able to save up and be more particular about the acting roles I take."
-Kathy Ireland, star of 'Alien From L.A.' and 'Danger Island'

ON PRIORITIES
"I would rather exercise than read a newspaper."
-Kim Alexis

ON INNER STRENGTH
"I love the confidence that makeup gives me."
-Tyra Banks

ON TRAVEL
"I haven't seen the Eiffel Tower, Notre Dame, the Louvre. I haven't seen anything. I don't really care."
-Tyra Banks

ON BREAKTHROUGHS
"Once I got past my anger toward my mother, I began to excel in volleyball and modeling."
-Gabrielle Reece

ON HEREDITY
"My husband was just OK looking. I was in labor and I said to him, What if she's ugly? You're ugly.'"
-Beverly Johnson

ON THE BASICS
"It's very important to have the right clothing to exercise in. If you throw on an old T-shirt or sweats, it's not inspiring for your workout."
-Cheryl Tiegs

ON PARADOX
"Sometimes I get lonely, but it's nice to be alone."
-Tatjana Patitz

ON TRAGEDY
"The worst was when my skirt fell down to my ankles, but I had on thick tights underneath."
-Naomi Campbell

ON INSTINCT
"If I'm making a movie and get hungry, I call time-out and eat some
crackers."
-Carol Alt

ON OCCUPATIONAL HAZARDS
"I tried on 250 bathing suits in one afternoon and ended up having little scabs up and down my thighs, probably from some of those with sequins all over them."
-Cindy Crawford

ON ECONOMICS
"I don't even wake up for less than $10,000 a day."
-Linda Evangelista

ON THOUGHT
"When I model I pretty much go blank. You can't think too much or it doesn't work."
-Paulina Porizkova

ON DEPRIVATION
"If they had Nautilus on the Concorde, I would work out all the time."
-Linda Evangelista

ON MOTIVATION
"It was kind of boring for me to have to eat. I would know that I had to, and I would."
-Kate Moss

ON VERSATILITY
"I can do anything you want me to do so long as I don't have to speak."
-Linda Evangelista

Computer jokes page 3

Bill Gates And Contractor

The following is a conversation overheard as Bill Gates was moving into his new house...

Bill: "There are a few issues we need to discuss."
Contractor: "Ah, you have our basic support option. Calls are free for the first 90 days and $75 a call thereafter. Okay?"
Bill: "Uh, yeah... the first issue is the living room. We think its a little smaller than we anticipated."
Contractor: "Yeah. Some compromises were made to have it out by the release date."
Bill: "We won't be able to fit all our furniture in there."
Contractor: "Well, you have two options. You can purchase a new, larger living room; or you can use a Stacker."
Bill: "Stacker?"
Contractor: "Yeah, it allows you to fit twice as much furniture into the room. By stacking it, of course, you put the entertainment center on the couch... the chairs on the table... etc. You leave an empty spot, so when you want to use some furniture you can unstack what you need and then put it back when you're done."
Bill: "Uh... I dunno... issue two. The second issue is the light fixtures. The bulbs we brought with us from our old home won't fit. The threads run the wrong way."
Contractor: "Oh! That's easy. Those bulbs aren't plug and play. You'll have to upgrade to the new bulbs."
Bill: "And the electrical outlets? The holes are round, not rectangular. How do I fix that?"
Contractor: "Just uninstall and reinstall the electrical system."
Bill: "You're kidding!?"
Contractor: "Nope. Its the only way."
Bill: " Well... I have one last problem. Sometimes, when I have guests over, someone will flush the toilet and it won't stop. The water pressure drops so low that the showers don't work."
Contractor: "That's a resource leakage problem. One fixture is failing to terminate and is hogging the resources preventing access from other fixtures."
Bill: "And how do I fix that?"
Contractor: "Well, after each flush, you all need to exit the house, turn off the water at the street, turn it back on, reenter the house and then you can get back to work."
Bill: "That's the last straw. What kind of product are you selling me?"
Contractor: "Hey, if you don't like it nobody made you buy it."
Bill: "And when will this be fixed?"
Contractor: "Oh, in your next house -- which will be ready to release sometime near the end of next year. Actually it was due out this year, but we've had some delays..."

---

Bill Gates And God

Bill Clinton, Al Gore, and Bill Gates all died in a plane crash and went to meet their maker. The supreme deity turned to Al and asked, tell what is important about yourself.

Al responded that he felt that the earth was the ultimate importance and that protecting the earth's ecological system was most important.

God looked to Al and said, " I like the way you think, come and sit at my left hand". God then asked Bill Clinton what he revered most.

Bill Clinton responded that he felt people and their personal choices were most important.

God responded, " I like the way you think, come and sit at my right hand". God then turned to Bill Gates, who was staring at him indignantly.

God asked "What is your problem Bill Gates?"

Bill responded " I think you are sitting in my chair".

---

Pappu Jokes Page 3

Pappu: "Why do you send me to school for."
Mother: "To make a man out of you."
Pappu: "But my teacher makes everyday a cock out of me."

Pappu was yelling in the Church after the Chapel: "Oh God! Please make Moscow the Capital of China!"
The priest inquired: "Why must you pray so, my child?"
Pappu: "That's what I've written in my answer sheet in the examination!"

When the teacher entered the class all the boys were standing.
The teacher said: 'Now, all of you sit down except those who are absolutely dull and duffers?' All the boys sat down except Pappu.
Teacher: 'Why Pappu? Are you absolutely dull and a duffer?'
Pappu: 'No sir. The thing is that you were standing alone and it didn't look good to me.'

Pappu Jokes Page 2

Pappu "Daddy, why did you put your thumb impression on my progress report instead of your signature?"
Father: "I don't want your teacher to think that anyone with your marks could possibly have a father who can read or write."


Teacherr: Pappu, TAMSO MA JYOTIR GAMYA" shloka ka kya arth hai?
Pappu : Tum so jayo maa, mein Jyoti ke pass ja raha hoon.


Teacher : "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree,
but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish
him?"
Pappu : "Because George still had the axe in his hand?"


Teacher: "what's the further away, America or the Moon?"
Pappu: "America!"
Teacher: "America? Whatever gave you that idea?"
Pappu: "Simple, We can always see the moon from the india, but not america!"


Pappu: "Dad , can you write in the dark?"
Father: "I think so. What is it you want me to write?"
Pappu: "Your name on the report card."



Teacher:"This is the fifth time this week that i have had punish you What do you have to say?
Pappu: "Thank god Saterday and Sunday are holidays, Sir!"


Teacher : Now, PAPPU, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating ?
Pappu: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.


Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pappu : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pappu : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".

Pappu Jokes Page 1

Teacher : pappu, give me a sentence starting with "I".
Pappu : I is...

Teacher : no, Pappu. Always say, "i am."
Pappu : all right... "i am the ninth letter of the alphabet."


Teacher : What is the chemical formula for water?
Pappu : "HIJKLMNO! "!!
Teacher : What are you talking about?
Pappu: Yesterday you said it's H to O !



Teacher : Pappu, go to the map and find North America.
Pappu : Here it is!
Teacher : Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
Class: Pappu!


Pappu : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
FATHER : No. Why do you ask that?
Pappu: Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?


Teacher : "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree,
but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't pun! ish
him?"
Pappu : "Because George still had the axe in his hand?"


Teacher : What do you call a person who keeps on talking ! when people are no longer interested?
Pappu: A teacher



Teacher : PAPPU, how do you spell "crocodile"?
Pappu : "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
Teacher : No, that's wrong
Pappu : Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!


Teacher : "Can anybody give an example of "COINCIDENCE?"
Pappu : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."

Letter Jokes Page 2

Funny Leave Letters

Just check how people write leave Applications. It's murder of the English language ...

The Leave Applications:

Infosys, Bangalore : An employee applied for leave as follows:

"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave."

· This is from Oracle Bangalore: From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:

"as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."

· Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:
"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."

· From H.A.L. Administration Dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave."

· Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"

· An incident of a leave letter:
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one-day holiday."

· A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"

· Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."

· Covering note:
"I am enclosed herewith..."

· Another one:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."

· Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".

· Letter writing:-
"I am well here and hope you are also in the same well."

· A candidate's job application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post.

Political Jokes Page 2

Trapped in Plane


Once Laloo Yadav, Sonia Gandhi, a saint and a schoolboy were traveling by a private plane. Suddenly the engine caught fire and the pilot came out shouting, "This plane is going to crash! And we have only four parachutes and there are five of us in the plane.


Since I am a very important Indian Airlines pilot I am taking one parachute and getting out of here." Saying this he rushed to the luggage area grabbed one parachute and jumped off the plane. Sonia Gandhi said, "Since I am the future Prime Minister of India I am very important and have to live!" She also grabbed a parachute and jumped.


Laloo Yadav said, "I am the king-maker of this country, the most honest politician of India and above all the most intelligent person living in this country, and the most intelligent person must live!" Saying so Laloo went to the luggage area, grabbed one and jumped off the plane.


The old saint said to the school boy, "There is only one parachute left, and there are two of us. I am an old man and don't need to live any more. You take the last parachute and jump."


The school boy said, "Don't worry! There are still two parachutes left with us! The most intelligent person, Laloo Yadav, jumped off the plane with my school bag!"

Political Jokes Page 1

Laloo got job in Microsoft

Laloo Prasad sent his Bio Data - to apply for a post in Microsoft

Corporation, USA. A few days later he got this reply:

"Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,

We are sorry to intimate you that you do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained.

Thanks


Laloo Prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply.

He arranged a Party and when all the guests had come, he said :

"Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki hum Amereeca mein naukri paa gaya hoon."

Everyone was delighted.

Laloo Prasad continued......

"Ab main aap sab ko apnaa appointment letter padkar sunaongaa -

par letter angreeze main hai - isliyen saath-saath hindi main translate bhee karoonga.


Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad ..... Pyare Laloo Prasad bhaiyya

We are sorry ...... humse galti ho gayee
to intimate you that .........aapko yeh batana hai ki

You do not meet ---- aap to miltay hee naheen ho
our requirement ---- humko to zaroorat hai

Please do not send any further correspondence ---- ab Letter vetter bhej ne ka kaouno zaroorat nahee
No phone call ---- phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai

shall be entertained ---- bahut khaatir kee jayegi
Thanks ---- aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyawaad



Corruption

In a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. "Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?"

The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn't hear the question.

"Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated loudly.

The witness still did not respond.

Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question."

"Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you."

Other Jokes

Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Darling : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Darling : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be greater than this one?


Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or troubles.
Girl: Well that is because we aren't married yet.


Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.


A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"
"Honey," the woman replied Sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"


Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."


A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"..
My Father grows beans," said one student. "My father cooks beans," said another.
Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans."


Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman.
Interviewer: "What were you before you married her?"
Millionaire: "A Billionaire"


Its funny when people discuss over "love marriage" and "arranged marriage"
It is like asking a person if he would like to "hang himself" or "shoot himself".

Computer Jokes Page 2

Sleeping at Computer Desk

ZZZZZZZZ………

Best excuses if you get caught sleeping in your computer desk by the Boss:

* I was working smarter, not harder.

* I wasn’t sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement.
* This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!
* I’m actually doing a “Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan”(SLEEP) I learned at the last mandatory seminar you (boss) made me attend.
* This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamed about work!

* I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory towards people who practice Yoga?
* The coffee machine is broke….
* Ah, the this is the unique and unpredictable habits of the workaholic!
* I wasn’t sleeping. I was trying to pick up my contact lenses without using my hands.
* My work partnerwent psycho and took out a gun so I was playing dead to avoid getting shot.
* And finally….I thought you (boss) were gone for the day……..!!!!!!

Computer Jokes Page 1

Types of Woman

HARD-DISK woman:
She remembers everything, FOREVER.

RAM woman:
She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.

INTERNET woman:
Difficult to access.

SERVER woman:
Always busy when you need her.

CD-ROM woman:
She is always faster and faster.

EMAIL woman:
Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.

VIRUS woman:
Also called “wife”; when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if you don’t you will lose everything!!

History Paper

Guy 1: “How’s your history paper coming?”

Guy 2: “Well, my history professor suggested that I use internet for research, and it’s been very helpful.

Guy 1: “Really?”

Guy 2: “Yes! I’ve already located 17 people who sell them!”

Flight Control Software

At a software conference in india, the participants were given an awkward question to answer. “If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had made the flight control software how many of you would leave from the plane immediately?”

Among the forest of raised hands, only one man sat motionless. When asked what he would do, he replied that he would be quite content to stay onboard.

With his team’s software, he said, the plane was unlikely to even keep rolling pass the runway, let alone take off.

Sardar jokes Page 7

Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is
what you call modern art ?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!



Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?
Sardar: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.



Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab . Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more..



A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not in the morning.
Sardarji replied "Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM".


Boss : Where were you born ?
sardar : Punjab.
Boss : which part ?
sardar : Kya which part ? Whole body born in punjab.



2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
sardar 2 : Dont worry, I have a one more.

Teacher to Sardar: “Where were U born?”

Sardar: In Tiruvanantapuram.

Teacher: Spell it?

Sardar: (after thinking) I think I was born in GOA.

One day a bus gets an accident which were filled up with some sardarjis.
Then one of the Saradarji starts to cry very loudly saying I have lost my hand, I have lost my hand…

After the accident one of the survived sardarji says to him, “why are you crying control yourself, don’t cry, see that man has lost his head but he hasn’t utter even a single word, how silent he is…”

Sardar was busy removing a wheel from his auto. A man asks sardar why
are you removing a wheel from your auto.
sardar : Cant you read the board. Parking is only for 2 wheeler.

Sardar got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket. He
gave
Rs.10/- and took the ticket and said April fool. I have pass.

Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the
computer.
Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar : Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.

On a romantic day sardar’s girlfriend asks him. Darling on our
engagement day will you give me a ring.
Sardar : Ya sure, from landline or mobile.

Sardar Jokes Page 6

Banta sent sms to Santa: Bhejnewala mahan, padhnewala gadha.
Santa got angry and replied: Bhejnewala gadha, padhnewala mahan.



Lady doctor: tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade ho kar aurto ko kyon ghurte ho?
Santa: ji aap hi ne bahar likha hai "aurton ko dekhne ka samay subah 10 se 12".


Santa was inserting dog's tail into pipe.
Banta: Oye, kutte ki dum kabhi seedhi nahi hoti.
Santa: Idiot, main to pipe bend kar raha hoon


Santa (on phone): Maa, khushkhabri hai!
Maa: Bolo beta.
Santa: Hum, 2 se 3 ho gaye.
Maa: Badhai ho, ladka hua ya ladki.
Santa: Na ladka, na ladki. Maine doosri shaadi karli.




Masterji: kal school kyu nahi aaya.
Santa: Gir gaya tha or lag gayi.
Masterji: kahan gire, kahan lagi?
Santa: Takiye pe gira tha aur AANKH lag gayi..



Santa: Would you punish me for some thing i didn't do?
Teacher: no, of course not.
Santa: good, because i didn't do my homework


A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after Every 10 sec a
woman gives birth to a kid.
A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.


Sardar-why r all these people running?
Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why are others running?


Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense.
Sardar: The future tense is "u will go to jail".


Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".
After much thought he wrote: Yes!


Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant :it's already raining.
Sardar: So what? Take an umbrella and go.

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What is defference between man and Superman?
Man wears underwear under the trouser and superman wears it over the trouser.

Filmi Jokes Page 3

Bollywood BUGS
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Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gam:
Q: What will a drunkard say after seeing the movie? A: Kabhi Whiskey Kabhie Rum

Pyar To Hona Hi Tha
Kajol gets off the train to use the public toilet at the railway station and the train chugs off without her. Poor girl, little did she know that every train compartment has four toilets inside.

Rangeela
Aamir Khan tells his friend that he will take Urmila Matondkar for a Chinese meal. Strangely when they are in the restaurant, Aamir Khan orders usal pav etc. What's happened to the noodle & chowmein?

Khiladiyon Ka Khiladi
Akshay Kumar boards a Jet Airways flight to America. Well well - some promotion for our Indian Jet Airways - since when did they start flying abroad?

Raja Hindustani
Navneet Nishan has a short hair before marriage. But after tying the knot, overnight she acquires waist-length hair. What a hair raising experience!!

Raja
Dilip Tahil empties a can of petrol over Madhuri. Minutes later, Sanjay Kapoor takes the same can and pours it over Dilip Tahil. That's what I call a autofill!

Guddu
Manisha & Shahrukh are seen hanging on a parachute during a song. But when the song ends, they land down on the Glider. What a switch above sea level!

Jung
Rambha files a case against Ajay Devgan accusing him of rape and produces 3 photographs to prove her claim. However in the three photos, she's wearing three different dresses. So I guess it must be a fashion show cum rape going on!!

Tere Mere Sapne
Priya Gill is doing her B.A. But at the bus stop, she is carrying her electrical technology thesis by B.L.Theraja. What an electrifying interest.

Kyun Ho Gaya Na!
In the film Kyun Ho Gaya Na! there is scene where Vivek hands over his piece of necklace charm to Aish but in the next scene after that one Vivek is wearing the necklace charm again on his neck.



Ajit in India Pakistan Cricket Match

Ajit is watching cricket match of India vs.Pakistan. Kapil is bowling and Imran is batting. Pakistan needs 18 runs in 3 balls..
Ajit: Rabert Kapil se kehna ek khatarnak Beemer daalde aur Imran ko out karde.
Rabert: 'Ok boss'. Robert goes to Kapil and tells the message.
Kapil nods and bowls but Imran hits it for a six!
Ajit: Rabert ab Kapil se kehna ek khatarnak Yorker daalde aur Imran kaa kaam tamam karde
Rabert: 'Ok boss', he goes to Kapil and tells the message.
Kapil nods and bowls but Imran again hits it for a six again. Now just one ball and six runs to win.
Rabert: Boss ab Kapil se jaake kya kehna hai?
Ajit: Ab Kapil se kuch mat kehna. Imran se jaake kehna ki uski maa aur beewi hamare kabje mein hai

Filmi Jokes Page 2

IT Industry par Filmi Bhoot Kitne bugs the, Sambha?? Chal Dhanno!!! Aaj Basanti ke appraisal ka sawaal hai!! Hum angrezo ke zamane ke tester hain!!! Ye software nahin, phasi ka phanda hain, developer… !!! Jo jaldi gaya ..samjho mar gaya !! Gabbar se keh do…..Ramgad walon ne software develop karna band kar diya hai……… …….. Release kab hai….kab hai release?? > Yeh chutti hamein de de PM………. nay nay…….. Sambha, Kitna PM, PL rakkha hai re HR hamare upar ?? Door kisi cubicle mein jab developer bura code likhta hai toh PL kehta hai : Bete code sudhar, nahi to tester aa jayega…. Aur tum 3….. Gabbar ka software hack kar ke aa gaye…….. .. Tumhara designation kya hai, software engineer? Testers se keh do….wo log 2 bugs karenge toh hum 4 fix karenge….. . 3 developer aur module 6………buhut nainsafi hai!!! Sardar, maine aapka module develop kiya hai…….. Ab test kar……… ….. Ke, yoonke, dekhne wali baat toh yeh hai, mujhe increment kab milega …….? Bollywood Love Letter.. When I am: Kareeb There is only: Khamoshi I want to speak: Dil Se That's my kind of: Ishq I want this to be: Gupt As I always have: Darr That I will loose you: Sajani And that would be great: Sadma I am your: Mr. Aashiq But sometimes bit: Deewana Tell me: Hum Aapke Hain Kaun As I feel : Kuch Kuch Hota Hai In this : Duniya Dilwalon Ki I told you: Maine Pyar Kiya May be : Dil To Pagal Hai Because: Jab Pyar Kisise Hota Hai The whole world appears as: Dushman But anyway: Pyar To Hona Hi Tha

Filmi Jokes Page 1

Amitabh Answering Machine

Amitabh - Han han mein chor hun, mein bazar mein kaladhandha karta hun, police ke record mein mera naam hai. Lekin mein akela nahin hun. Jao pahle ush admi ko msg de kar aao jisne mera baap ko chor kaha tha; Jao pahle ush admi ko msg de kar aao jisne meri maa ko gali deke naukri se nikal diya tha; jao pahle ush aadmi ko msg de kar aao jisne mere haath me yeh likh diya tha; Uske BAAD, Uske baad mere bhai tum jab chahoge tab mere m/c mein msg de dena.


Gabbar kee inquiry

Gabbar : Kitne admi they?
Sambha : Sardar 2

Gabbar : Mujhe ginti nahin aati, 2 kitne hote hain?
Samba : Sardar 2, 1 ke baad aata hai

Gabbar : Aur 2 ke pehle?
Samba : 2 k pehle 1 aata hai.

Gabbar : To beech mein kaun ata hai?
Samba : Beech mein koi nahi aata

Gabbar : To phir dono ek saath kyun nahin aate?
Samba : 1 k baad hi 2 aa sakta hai, kyun ki 2, 1 se bada hai.

Gabar : 2, 1 se kitna bada hai?
Samba : 2, 1 se 1 bada hai.

Gabbar : Agar 2, 1 se 1 bada hai to 1, 1 se kitna bada hai?
Samnba : Sardar maine aapka namak khaya hai, mujhe goli maar do..


KBC Audition Test

Since Amitabh Bachchan's contract for Kaun Banega Crorepati is going to expire soon, here are a few persons who could audition for the show. Nana Patekar: Jaldi se jawab bol. Sahi jawab tere ko lakhpati bana dalega.Galat jawab tere ko hijda bana dega. Shatrughan Sinha: Khamosh! Bihari babu ke saamne zaban chalata hai. Tera cheque phaad ke phek doonga. Dharmendra: Galat jawab ! Kutte Kameene, main tera khoon pee jaoonga. Amrish Puri: Sahi jawab ! Mogambo khush hua ! Amjad Khan: Kitne options the? Chaar ! Soover ke bachchon ! Chaar chaar options ! Bahut nainsaafi hai ! Dhish-keoin Dhish-keoin ! 50-50 kar ke do galat jawab main uda diye. Ab bol, tera kya hoga kaaliya? Sanjay Dutt: Aye item log, kaye ko udhar khada hai? Idhar aake mere pass baith jaa. Kya be chikne - tere ko aata hai to bol dal varna main tere ko idhar-eech phod dalega. Raj Kumar: Jaani, huuum, hhhuuuum hote to apne dost ko phone kar ke sawaal pooch lete. Jagdeep: Bole to Soorma Bhopali - meri jeb ho gayi khaali. Mere pass to koi cheque nahin hain. Arre mujhko jaane do. Mithun Chakraborty: Eeyaeech ! Tu audience poll karega ? Aye, yahan ke public ke paas time nahin hai. Kya nahin hai? Time nahin hai. Kesto Mukherji: Hee-heek. Hee-yaik. Apne ko sab kuch do-do dikh rahela hai.Hee-heek. Yeh aath options kidhar se aa gaye? Hee-yok. Apne ko bahut chad gayeli hai. Ashok Kumar: To abhi aapne yeh dekha ( wheeze ), ki yahan se Delhi ke Ramesh Kumar ( gasp), yahan se Rs 20,000 leke chale gaye. ( groan ). Kal aur dus logon ko leke phir milenge Hum Log (croak ).