Saturday, May 30, 2009
Interview Jokes
M.P. !!
OFFICER : WHAT IS YOUR NAME ?
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
OFFICER : TELL ME PROPERLY
CANDIDATE : MOHAN PAL SIR
OFFICER : YOUR FATHER'S NAME ?
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
OFFICER : WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ?
CANDIDATE : MANMOHAN PAL SIR
OFFICER : YOUR NATIVE PLACE
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
OFFICER : IS IT MADHYA PRADESH ?
CANDIDATE : NO, MUNNUR PAL SIR
OFFICER : WHAT IS YOUR QUALIFICATION?
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
OFFICER : (ANGRILY) WHAT IS IT ?
CANDIDATE : METRIC PASS
OFFICER: WHY DO YOU NEED A JOB ?
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
OFFICER: AND WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ?
CANDIDATE : MONEY PROBLEM SIR
OFFICER : DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
OFFICER : EXPLAIN YOURSELF CLEARLY
CANDIDATE : MAGNANIMOUS PERSONALITY SIR
OFFICER : THIS DISCUSSION IS NOWHERE, YOU MAY GO NOW
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
OFFICER : WHAT IS IT NOW
CANDIDATE : MY PERFORMANCE....?
OFFICER : MP !!!
CANDIDATE : WHAT IS THAT SIR..?
OFFICER : MENTALLY PUNCTURE
Film/Politics Jokes
Filmotics
Atal Bihari Vajpayee: Hero No. 1
Bal Thackrey: Sher-e-Hindustan
Chandra Swami: Paapi Devtaa
Chandrababu Naidu: Kabhi Haan Kabhi Naa
Dawood Ibrahim: Rafoo Chakkar
IK. Gujral: Mohra
Jayalalitha: Abhi to Main Jawan Hoon
Kalyan Singh: Baazigar
Kanshi Ram: Dulha Bikta Hai
K.P.S. Gill: Rangeela
Lalkrishna Advani : Bikhre Sapne
Laloo Parsad Yadav: Meri Biwi Ka Jawab Nahi
Mayawati: Miss 420
Mayawati and Kanshi Ram: Ek Duje Ke Liye
Mamta Banerjee: Meri Awaaj Suno
Manmohan Singh : Kathputli
Pramod Mahajan: Hum Honge Kaamyaab
P.V. Narsimha Rao: Akela
Ram Vilas Paswaan: Coolie No. I
Rabri Devi: Pati Patni Aur Woh (Kursi)
Ram Krishan Hegde: Jo Jita Wohi Sikandar
Sharad Yadav: Baagi
Shankar Singh Waghela: Hum Sub Chor Hain
Sonia Gandhi: Aunty No. 1
Sushma Swaraj: Sherni
T.N. Sheshan: Sherdil
Veerappan: Jungle Main Mangal
Sardar Jokes Page 15
Art Assignment
One Day, A sardarji went to take an art class. His art teacher gave the assignment that he must paint something. The sardarji did not know what to paint, so the teacher told him to paint that which he felt was the most beautiful thing in the world.
The sardarji thought, Nothing can be more beautiful than my village, so I shall paint that.
The sardarji spent all his time working on the painting the next day. He did not eat, sleep, or take a bath.
Finally, he took the painting to his art teacher. His art teacher was amazed at the detail of the picture, but he said, "No, no, there is something missing. Go back to your village and see what you have missed."
The sardarji went back to his village and revised his painting. The next day in class, he returned with the painting. He presented a black canvas to his instructor. His instructor said, "What! You fool!
I said revise not destroy!"
The sardarji said, "Well you told me to paint what I was missing, so I went back to the village, and looked for a long time. Then, there was a power outage, so I thought to myself this is what I am missing, so I painted black!"
"Grown up Daughters"
He was beaten so badly that he had to be admitted to hospital. He was surprised to see Banta Singh on the bed next to him,in a worse condition. Banta explained what happened to him He had gone to a remote village to work. He finished late and missed the last bus. He couldn't find any hotel. So he approached a nearby house and asked the Owner whether he can stay there for the night.The Owner replied"I have 2 grown up daughters. Sorry,I can't allow you to stay".
He approached the next house and asked whether he can stay there for the night.The Owner replied,"I have 3 grown up daughters.Sorry,I can't allow you to stay".
He went to the next house and asked:" Do you have "grown up"
Daughters?". The Owner asked,"WHY?????????" Banta replied," I wanted
to stay here for a night....."
The rest is history.
Chess Doubles !
Once, two Sardars were feeling bored and decided to play a few games of chess to pass the time.
They were doing this for some time, when two more sardar friends dropped by. Seeing them play chess, they said -
"Come on guys, we are feeling bored too. Let us play doubles!"
Sardar Jokes Page 14
A Sardar Computer Illiterate ( True incident )
Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"
Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"
Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am
within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"
Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."
Tech: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, It's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"
Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a
promotional. It just has '4X' on it."
At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because
he couldn't stand it.
The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM
drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off the drive!
Phone Book
A sardar walked up to the front desk of the library
and said, "I borrowed a book last week, but it was the
most boring I've ever read. There was no story
whatsoever, and there were far too many characters!"
The librarian replied, "Oh, you must be the person who
took our phone book."
Hard disk
Santa and Banta work in a software company. One day, they were to move their computers to another building. Banta was having a tough time carrying his computer.
Santa : "My computer has 160 GB disk.
See how easily I am carrying it. Yours has just 80 GB.
Can't you carry even this much?"
Banta : "But yours is empty and my disk is full"!!!
Sardar jokes Page 13
Bihari & Sardar
Bihari-Sardar A Bihari was waiting for his bus at the bus stop. Finally the bus arrives and he gets in. The bus is fully loaded with sardarjis. One sardarji orders Bihari to tell a joke. Now, the Bihari thinks he's in big trouble because he knows only sardar jokes! After thinking for some time he decides to substitute all references to 'sardars' in his joke with 'Biharis'. He starts the jokes with, "There was once a Bihari..." And suddenly he gets a major blow on his back from one of the sardarjis who shouts, "Kyon be! Sab sardar mar gaye hai kya?"
Revenge
Guooonn, Guooonn Talking about those days when there were no mosquito repellents and we had to spend sleepless nights. Sardarji was also experiencing the same every time. he tries to sleep,one mosquito comes and disturbs his sleep with a sound "guooonn, guooonn." He gets very irritated. He tries to cover his ear but the problem remains persistent. Ultimately he gets up and catches the mosquito in his hand. He is very kind and not for the blood shed but still wanted to take revenge. Happy as he is now starts singing a lullaby and says "so ja machchar, bete so ja". After some time he finds the mosquito falling into deep sleep in his hands. So he goes near it and says "Guoooonnnnn, guoooonnnnn."
Rechecking Answers
A Sardarjee reported for his University final examination which consists of "yes/no" type questions. he takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his wallet out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet - Yes for Heads and No for Tails. Within half an hour he is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, he is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on. "I finished the exam in half and hour. But, I am rechecking my answers."
Jurassic Park
This sardarji goes to see
Friday, May 29, 2009
Student/Teacher Jokes
HISTORY LESSON
Teacher: 'When was Rome built?'
Sanjay: 'At night, sir.'
Teacher: 'Who told you that?'
Sanjay: 'You did, sir. You once said that Rome was not built in a day.'
TENSE PAST!
In am English class for foregn students, the teacher wanted a sentence to be changed into past tense.
'He gives her a presents.' he said.
A students answered, 'He gave her a past.'
FORCED KINDNESS
Teacher: 'Why are you late to class?'
Ramesh and Suresh: 'We helped an old lady cross the road,'
Teacher: 'But did it take you so long?'
Ramesh and Suresh: 'The point is she didn't want to cross the road.'
SIMPLE LOGIC
Teacher: 'Name one animal that is found in the desert.'
Rajan: 'A camel.'
Teacher: 'Good. Name another animal.'
VIkram: 'Another camel.'
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