Some bad news and some terrible news
A man got a call from his doctor who said “I have some bad news and some terrible news, which would you rather hear first?”
The man says “The bad news.”
The doctor says “The lab messed up your tests and when they re-did them, they found out you only have 48 hours to live!”
The man exclaimed “What could be more terrible than that!!??”
The doctor replied “we tried all day yesterday to get hold of you but your phone was busy!”
Hearing Problem
A man told his doctor, “I don`t think my wife`s hearing is as good as it used to be. What should I do?”
The doctor replied, “Try this test first. When your wife is at the sink doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a question. If she doesn`t respond, keep moving closer, asking the same question until she hears you.”
He went home and saw his wife preparing dinner. Standing fifteen feet behind her, he said, “What`s for dinner, honey?”
Hearing no reply, he moved up to ten feet behind her and repeated the question.
Still no reply, so he moved to five feet. Still no answer.
Finally he stood directly behind her and said, “Honey, what`s for dinner tonight?”
“FOR THE FOURTH TIME, I SAID PURI-SABJI, You`d better get your hearing checked!”
Following Your Order
Doctor: “I see you`re over a month late for your appointment. Don`t you know that nervous disorders require prompt and regular attention? What`s your excuse?”
Patient:” I was just following your orders, doc.”
Doctor: “Following my orders?, what are you talking about? I gave you no such order.”
Patient: You told me to avoid people who irritate me.
Memory Improvement
Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other,
“Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?”
“Outstanding,” Fred replied. “They taught us all the latest psychological techniques: visualization, association, etc. It was really great.”
“That is great! And what was the name of the clinic? I would like to join it.”
Fred went blank. He thought and thought, but could not remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, “What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns?”
“You mean a rose?”
“Yes, that`s it!” He turned to his wife, “Rose, what was the name of that memory clinic?”
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